These are excerpts from completed poems.....

Best Man Wedding Speech (How Bride & Groom met, to now)

Who would have thought, when they first met
In 5 years to come, they would be set
Up for life and wedded together
Through thick and thin, through all types of weather

One thing’s for sure
I’ll say this for nothing
They’re meant to be
No lies, no bluffing

What was there between them
That sparked that attraction?
Was it her perm,
Or was it his Butt action?

..."I don’t know him yet, I want to though
I like his looks, but should I go?
I’ve had a drink – actually I’ve had many.
Oh I just can’t do it, I’ve turned all to jelly"

Months did then pass
And into town Anne drifted.
Again they did meet
And her hopes were lifted

A game was organised
Softball was the name
Both were quite up for it
“Please let our team be the same”

How hunky he looked
How sporty she did seem
"Shall I drop his catch
Or is that playing too keen?"

Catch it she did though
But that wasn’t ALL
She caught her true man
As well as the ball...

From then they were hooked
Forever to come
Little he or she knew
Each was THE one

But Adam’s true test was coming
He’d be on his back!
For to be her TRULY beloved
He’d have to dance the COSSACK

But pass he did do
No doubt there ever was
And many times he’d do it
And all just because…

…the lady loves (pause) Adam
And she does love he
This so much so,
They had a par-ty

To celebrate being one
Together in their house.
To see they were happy,
Didn’t really take much nous

What else could they do?
Could they go that much further?
“Let’s show the whole world”
“Let’s form a merger”

“YES!!” she did say.
On top of the world
He made her feel
The world’s best girl

Now here we are today
To celebrate their love
Love heaven sent
From the good Lord above

So let’s stop for a moment
To remember how it all began
Or let’s just simply say
Well done, Adam and Anne

“Ladies and gentlemen…Mr and Mrs MacGregor!”

Lisa's Birthday Limerick

There was a girl called Lisa
Who met a real flash geezer
Him, at first, she did snub
Strutting his stuff in a club
Saying: “Hey love, fancy some pizza?”

So back to his place she did go
For Part 2 of his little dance show
So she jumped in his car
With her small friend Miss Brar
Back to this guy’s who she didn’t really know

Now years on they’re happy together
Through thick & thin and all types of weather
A nice home they’ve now got
They’ll soon tie the knot
With a new child who they don’t know whether

….is gonna bea girl or a boy
Whichever, they're thrilled with joy
Let’s not forget her boy twins
With their cheeky big grins
Maybe they’ll need some more toys

What a lot our Lisa has done
Hard work, but still she’s had fun
No time to add more
You all know the score
And all before she's turned 21!!!

Monkey Boy's Get Well Soon Card

How sad we were when first we heard.
We viewed you doing a stretch of bird,
(As penance paid for committing fraud)
When “He’s in some trouble” we heard from Maude;

But other “trouble” it was instead.
“The silly bugger’s gone broken his leg”
Said your own Mother on your behalf.
How hard we tried here not to laugh;

Suffice to say we wish you well
Even though at times you often smell.
We wish you back up on your feet –
(Though far they are from smelling sweet);

But remember it always could be worse –
Cos not for all we write a verse.
For all the others we would not try.
We’d only write “Get well. Goodbye”;

So whilst you’re there - up North and stranded
Take our regards (though a touch back-handed).
We wish you well and on the mend
I speak for most: “Come back soon friend”

Happy Birthday Jim (Who has a Nigel Havers complex)

There once was a guy called Jim
Who was really rather quite slim
He should eat more stodge
To look more of a podge
Or get himself down to the gym

But football’s much more his game
Or Ice hockey, which he finds less tame
It’s weeks since he shagged
So his balls have just sagged
Yes Clare is pretty much to blame

....Now we all know he works for a bank
Good job, but sometimes it’s w**k
His last job had more perks
But still, there were berks –
Like Nigel, who Jim tried to blank

Or Mr “Havers”, as the actor does tend
To be called (unless you're his friend)
But Jim can say “Nige”
Cos for him he’d oblige
That’s why all his time he does spend

…Following poor Jim to the station
work, café or any location
Why does this man stalk?
How the neighbours will talk!
This ‘aint what he calls mild flirtation

He’d prefer a tasty young bird
Sweet Clare he’s always preferred
His lovely young dish
Like me she will wish
The boy Jimbo a great 23rd